This is a follow up to my older post when Railgun reached its midway. After I watched that batch of episodes I gave Railgun a quick break and when I continued it, I was barraged with so many lines of thoughts that I need to address it. For a long time I couldn't put my thoughts into words, not even right now, but they are important to me so I'm going to try.
By the way, all subtitles in the screenshots are relevant, that they add and support my own writing.
I also feel that I don't have any abilities because I lack focus and a goal/dream. No matter what I think, I still don't know where I'm going. Having that ability feels like it would give me something to look forward to. What I do have is interest in a lot of things, but because I am interested in many things I can't put my focus on just one thing. So I'm just floundering around not ever sure where I'm going and living life day-by-day, unable to see what's ahead of me.
Yi's post: "To me I have to be myself and that is to be an anime fan no matter where I go. Live it no matter what others say; from one end of the spectrum to the other end." If I can't watch anime, then I'd surround myself with it and take it wherever I go.
This is the main reason why I want to write this... Having a network of people who is following it definitely increases the power of that group. Recently two "networks" with their own following suddenly came into conflict, I will not name these networks because I'm sure a lot of people know what I'm talking about. Network 1 claims are that of an otaku and lead a great number of followers who are loyal to that network. This network doesn't attack people, discourages any attacks and penalize any who would attack. Whereas Network A disproves of Network 1 and attacks anyone else they don't approve of. Some of its supporters also do the same, attacking others that weren't approved by Network A. The thing is, both networks have good points. Network 1 tries to change the word "otaku" and its external views. Whereas Network A wants the pure word to be kept as is, and anyone who "corrupts" it don't deserve it.
I am a neutralist. I want to look both sides of the story. Both networks have valid points, but also unfavourable sides... It does become difficult to be neutral when I get attacked unfortunately, so I cannot approve of Network A. The problem is that their method does not make the change they want. Or do they even care? Perhaps they just want to attack people they dislike? For me, if you're a bunch of strangers and wanting to correct me and change my ways, you'd be in a better luck if you ask me sincerely. I am stubborn and hard to change, but be diplomatic then even the hard-headed me will soften. I am willing to change, but when you do nothing but attacking, that will be quite a challenge to change me, isn't it?
I don't follow fashion or trends. I made this blog wanting to post things that are different than what other people have done. It's my way to be unique. I find myself to be boring, so I prefer to do something different on this blog and on the net to balance out myself. My internet persona and my real life persona is similar in that I don't want to piss off anybody and I try not to upset anyone, at least not intentionally.
I'm nowhere near level 5, but I am as modest as Misaka can be. I do try to use what abilities I have to help others as she has done, but I do urge people to overcome that hurdle that's in their path on their own as well. When I was showing my room, I hesitated a little. I didn't want to show it off whatsoever. When I did, I was very embarrassed because of how messy and cluttered it was, however, I did receive other comments that were complimentary. For me compliments always surprises me. Whenever I start a personal project, I am hyped up, but along the way I always feel that I messed it up and felt that it's not turning out the way I hoped. Then in the end, I just post it and see what I get. Compliments do stroke some of my ego, so sometimes I try to downplay them so that it doesn't go over my head.
I am not Misaka that I can't always defend the victims... I have my own hurdles that I need to overcome first. My words and thoughts aren't as clear and may lack some convictions, so there is only so much I can say. Obviously when there's an attack one tries to defend, right? Defending is the best I can do, but in my own way. Perhaps that is my goal one day... To be more like Misaka who hurls herself into trouble and always finding a way to overcome the hurdle ahead of her...
I apologize if I sound pretentious or preachy in this post... Lastly I leave you one of the most inspirational speeches from Railgun.
I hope to follow these instructions as well as I live my way of life...